Immortal Shenanigans
by Valkyrilon
Summary: Marceline dork it up with an immortal monster hunter and the past catches up to them. Constructive critism is very much appreciated
1. Movie Nacht

Oh boy, here we go again.  
We had been on a couple of small dates, since we met that night, but we had not been at eachothers places!  
The other dates had been at the drive-in cinema and at a diner. You know, places where you usually date.  
I shouldn't have invited her here. I had barely settled in. The projector was barely hooked up and I still had a couple of unpacked cardboard boxes, full of my junk from before the war!  
Okay, relax Max, you can do this. The projector was mostly functional when you last checked and you have piled every single soft cushion you could onto the sofa to make this blanket fort.  
I just feel like I am forgetting something…  
I sit down in the pile of pillows and blankets, awaiting a knock on my- a buzz on my intercom, I mean, when suddenly something pretty heavy just lands in my lap. Marceline turns visible shortly after and now sits in my lap, staring into my eyes with a big grin across her face. "BOO!" she says playfully. "Oh man, you should have seen your face! You looked like you just pooped your pants!" "How did you even get in here?" I ask confused. "You left your air vent unlocked." She answers and gives me a little kiss on the nose. "You should probably make sure this high tech monster hunting base is sealed. Monsters like me could sneak in and slit your throat in your sleep." She says in a cheeky voice, dismounting my lap, sitting down in the pile besides me. "Looks like I came overdressed to this event, huh?" She says, looking down at her Letterman jacket. "What do you mean?" I ask, realizing that I am sitting in my unicorn t-shirt and briefs, because a pack of bloatflies had covered my clothes in slime earlier today.  
I knew I had forgotten something…  
"You are sitting in your cute little underpanties and that fabulous t-shirt. Do I really need to explain…?" She answers, floating up from her seat.  
My face turns red from embarressment.  
"Not to worry, though. I have an idea." She says and floats into my bedroom, coming back a few moments later, wearing just her socks, her cute little panties and a tank-top with a picture of a bleeding rose on it. She floats over to the pile and sits down next to me, putting her arm over my shoulder.  
"So what are we watching?" She asks, looking at the tape besides me.  
"Oh! Ummm, we are watching… "Nosebleed", a pre-war slasher classic!" I answer, showing her the box, before putting the tape in the VCR hooked up to the projector.  
A grainy imagine starts flickering on the wall in front of us, before the movie starts.  
It didn't take long for me to remember how bad this movie was and why I love it so much. We both laughed loud and hard when a character was killed because they actors always looked and sounded like they were trying way too hard and not trying at all at the same time. Some of the lines had also been recorded after the footage was shot so the lips didn't match the audio.  
"You want something to drink?" I ask about halfway into the movie.  
"You know what, I could go for some red right about now. Whatcha got?" She answers as I get up and enter the kitchen.  
"You said you don't like tomatoes, because they mess up your sleep pattern, on our second date. You want some strawberry/carrot juice instead?" I ask from the kitchen, rummaging through my fridge and cupboards. "Yeah, if that's what you got, I'll take it." She answers in her cute, vampire voice. I pour her a tall glass of Grocery Kingdoms juice and pour myself a class of Cola mixed with sugar cane extract.  
I hear her laughing from the living room and hurry back with the drinks, because something hilarious probably happened.

The night soon comes to a close, after a little more than three and a half hours of B-movie awesomeness. The movie's cringeworthy, cliffhanger ending left us both laughing our guts out. I think we should watch "Heat Signature" next time.  
I turn off the projector and we both get up to stretch. Marcy floats ever so elegantly above the floor. "Hey, what time is it?" She asks.  
I check my watch, which tells me it is 4:47 AM.  
Because my watch is 71 minutes behind, I have to use my magnificient brain to do simple math.  
"It's almost 6 AM. Why?" I say, looking her in the eyes.  
"I have to get home before sunrise. You know, vampire thing." She answers, heading into my bedroom again to get her clothes.  
She comes back out and I escort her to the door, opening the big, heavy, bomb resistant steel door for her.  
The sun is peaking it's head in the horizon. If she leaves now, she can make it home before the sunlight gets a chance to dissolve her flesh.  
"That was actually really great. You up for doing Underwear Movie Night again soon?" She asks, hands in her pockets and ready to take off.  
"Ja, klar!" I answer in my native german. We say our goodbyes and I get ready to go back inside the silo, when I feel a pair of cold, vampire lips peck me on the cheek. Before I can respond, she is already but a shadowy figure, disappearing into the early morning and I am left with only one thought in my mind…  
I really need to pee…


	2. Morgen at Marcy's

I wake up, staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. Instead of the boring, cold, grey concrete in my silo, I am looking at the warm, cozy wooden plank ceiling of Marcelines bedroom. I look to my right and see the vampire queen herself, floating above the bed in her sweatpants and t-shirt. She sleeps more comfortably like that, so I don't mind. It's not like this bed is all that comfortable anyway.

This was one of my days off. No monsters that needed hunting, no small farms that needed protecting, no nothing.  
Just me.  
And this fanged, undead dork for me to dork it up with.

I try to creep out of the bed as silently as I can. The springs in the mattress creak and whine, but I lift my booty and stand up, before I woke up Marcy.  
I shuffle my way to the bathroom and see pretty much nothing but hair products. I can imagine that big, black mane of hers is difficult to maintain but this is ridiculous. Then again, what do I know about vampiric haircare?  
I turn on the faucet and splash some water in my face. My acne is kinda coming back, but if I keep my face clean, it should disappear just as quick as it came.  
I turn off the faucet and wipe my face.  
I feel my stubble. I should really shave soon.

After a quick pee, I walk on out of the bathroom, continuing to my half of the bed when I suddenly realize that Marcy is no longer floating above the bed. I hear a muffled giggling behind me and I turn around, only to be pushed onto the bed by two cold, invisible hands. Again I am looking at her bedroom ceiling.  
I hear Marceline laugh right next to my head. She is lying on the bed too now.  
She turns visible, doing her cute little laugh.  
"I really can't believe you fell for that again!" She says, refering to when she pulled the same prank on me before we went to sleep.  
I don't answer. I just chuckle a little bit. I really didn't know how to respond to that.

There is a few awkward moments of silence between us.

"I dreamt about you…" she says, looking at the ceiling.  
"Hmmm?" I mumble "In what what way?"  
"Well, it was really weird." She answers "I you were speaking german to me, but you acted as if I understood what you were saying."  
"That is weird…" I say, putting my hands over my stomach. "But I guess it makes sense…"  
"But I got to wondering. What language do you dream in?" She asks, now looking at me. "What language do you THINK in?"

I pause for a little bit. "I thought you had dated Bonnie. Isn't she bilingual too?" I answer "Haven't you asked her?"  
"I guess I never really thought about it…" she says.  
"Well, it all really depends on what I am thinking about." I say, answering to the best of my ability. "If I am thinking about you, talking to you, it is in english. I think because I only speak english to you, I just associate you with that. Not sure how to explain it."  
"But what about other things?" She asks, doing a little stretch "Are they in english too?"  
"I guess my general thoughts are in german?" I answer. "I guess I remember things names in german"

Things go quiet again…

"So what am I?" She asks, looking at me.  
"Einem süß Vampir…" I answer, looking back at her. "…meine süß Vampir"  
She smiles, showing her fangs a bit. She doesn't understand german, but I can see she understands what I said.  
I reach for her hand, but she is the one grabbing mine, brushing my palm with her thumb. I still haven't gotten used her her cold skin, but I don't really miss the warmth.

Okay, that was sappier than a maple tree with a hole in it, but I don't care.  
This is how I feel.

I lie with her, my hand in hers, for a few minutes… And then a few more…  
I'll end up staying here longer than I was supposed to.  
But you know what?

Worth it.


	3. Freundein Time

I slept with Marcy again. Not in the way you're thinking. We drank some root beer at my place and fell asleep talking about how crazy everything is.  
It's nice to talk to someone who understands. We also touched a bit on the subject of music. She knew most of the artists in my pre-war record collection, which was a pleasent surprise. I asked her if she wanted to borrow some of my old records. We had listened to my old records before and she loved my Grace Potter & the Nocturnals CD. she said she would love to.

I woke up to her black, messy mane all over my face and torso. I had to be careful to not get tangled up, when I got out of bed. She looked really cute, just lying there. I covered her up with a blanket, before starting my day.

Anyway, today is Monday and that means I have to work. Since I am self employed and I work from home, I just had to pop into my office with a cup of coffee and I was good to go. I don't even need to put on any pants. I did end up putting on some jeans, because an underground concrete building gets kinda cold. I boot up my computer and open my files and dossiers. Looks like today was going to be a day behind the desk.

It doesn't take long before I hear a certain vampire awake from her slumber. I exit my office and look down the hall. The vampire queen herself is floating in her sleepwear further down the hallway, looking more undead than usual.

"Guten Morgen." I casually greet her. She stares in my direction, almost looking like some kind of zombie. "Mornin'." She answers me, with a tired expression on her face. She floats down the hall and looks into my office. "What are you doing?" She asks curiously. "I am working. This is my job." I answer with pride. "This? Sitting in front of a desk in your own house? She says with a little smirk on her lips. "I thought you hunted monsters, dude!". "I do, but running your own company needs some paper work once in a while." I answer, sitting down in my office chair. "You know, you could help me if-". She interrupts. "You're on your own, nerd."

An hour or two passes. I now remember why I hate managing my budget. Marcy has been checking in on me every few minutes. I know it isn't really fair to invite her over and then just have her mind her own business. I look down on my desk and at the documents open on my computer. What the Bjork am I even doing? I have pretty much the only person I care about over and I am calculating my monthly gas consumption and looking at my stocks.

I close up all my files and junk and turn off my computer. As I enter the living room, I see that Marcy has made herself a little nest of pillows on the couch and is currently texting on her phone from it.

I sit down next to her. "I am such a jerk.." I say, not even looking at her. "Sorry for picking my job before you, that was really dumb." She giggles. "If you think looking after your job is being a jerk, then you haven't met Ash." She says, looking me in the eyes. "I know I sometimes do some things that might make it seem like I don't care, but-" I say, not really paying attention to what is coming out of my piehole. "I know you care about me, Max. You won't shut up about it sometimes." We both have a little laugh. "You're a real dork sometimes, you know that?" She asks, looking at me. I don't answer. I pick up a small lock of her hair and start playing with it instead. I really had no idea what to do.

It's getting late. Marceline had planned to leave earlier, but she chose to stay. We took some goofy selfies and she sent them to some of her friends. I don't really know any of her other friends. I have heard of those Finn and Jake guys and that she used to date Princess Bubblegum and I know they are close friends, but it's not really a thing I want to play around with too much. I am comfortable with just being with her, alone, once in a while.

Anyway, we both think it's time that she left. She has her own things to tend to and I am now behind on my work. I let her borrow some of t-shirts, because she liked the designs and she also took some of my CDs with her. I open the silos big, heavy metal door for her as she puts on her jacket. "Hey Max..." she says, buttoning her jacket. "...Thanks for this. I really had fun." She floats up to me, wrapping her arms around my big, warm body and hugs me goodbye. I give her a little kiss on the cheek and she lets go. She wipes off her cheek and gently smiles while looking me in the eyes. "See you soon, dude..." she says and flies off into the land of Ooo.

Now that I am alone, I should probably get some work done.


	4. Freunde

This is working out just fine.

Marceline and I was on a date last night. We had pizza in the Candy Kingdom and went to a Karaoke bar.

Marcy absolutely demolished me at Karaoke, as expected. It was fun nonetheless. We decided to go to her place afterwards. It was really nice. We tried on some different articles from her wardrobe, like some sort of fashion show.

It was fun, I'm not gonna lie. She had some extra "Marceline & The Scream Queens" t-shirts lying around. Even one in my size. After I had put it on, she seized my t-shirt as her "boyfriend shirt". It was a bit too big for her, but I think that is the point.

And now we are here.

I am lying in her bed, in my underpants and a band shirt. Marcy was in the bathroom. Typical morning after stuff.

"Yo Marcy!" I hear from outside.

"I'll get it!" Says Marcy and floats out of the bathroom, continuing downstairs, leaving me to my own thoughts. "I wonder how vampires blush" I think to myself, remembering last night.

I hear words exchanged downstairs. Some of them are "mathematical" and "adventure".

I am curious now. I slowly get out of bed and put on my jeans. I had spilled some rootbeer on my lap last night, so I had this really sticky, gross stain on my thighs.

Barefoot, I climb the ladder downstairs and now stand only mostly awake, looking like a zombie, in her living room.

"Aw guys, I'd love to go, but I have a guest over" Marcy says to the people at the door. It's a boy and his dog. Not the old movie, but a literal boy in a silly hat and a talking dog.

Marcy notices me. "Oh, Finn and Jake, this is Maxwell. He's kinda like my... boyfriend? It's a little complicated." She says, gesturing towards me. "He's pretty cool. He runs his own business and is like, a massive downer." She adds, shooting a little smirk my way.

"Hey dude!" Finn and Jake say in unison.

"Yoooooo..." I say, pointing finger guns at them. It probably looked cooler in my head.

"See you around, Marcy!" Finn and Jake say before leaving.

I think I faintly hear something about some stains on my shirt.

"You're up." Marcy says as she floats right past me into the kitchen.

"Your friends?" I ask as I follow her.

"Yeah, they drop by once in a while. They wanted me to go to some new dungeon they found." She answers.

"Do you say mean things about me alot?" I ask, leaning against the doorframe.

"I don't mean them." She answers. "It's all ironic, don't worry about it."

The rest of the morning was spent basically eating cereal with marshmellows and doing couple stuff.

I think we went to at least tier seven.

It was great.


End file.
